New Growth: Overcoming Damaging & Dead Thoughts

My husband and I planted a weeping cherry tree approximately 3 years ago. Around this time of the year, new leaves begin to bud. This is typically when we notice branches that are not producing, and we know they have died off. We have had to prune these branches every year since planting. Which makes our tree appear as if no growth has taken place.

We’ve learned the benefit of cutting these dead branches immediately. As the tree itself puts energy into keeping the dead branches alive, as well as putting energy into the good branches. Once the dead branches have been removed, the tree can now focus on its overall health of the healthy limbs- not the sick ones too.

I pondered how long I’ve spent a considerable amount of time on my own unhealthy and healthy thoughts. Many days I feel I’m doing well. But then thoughts can overwhelm me within mere moments. Thoughts of doubts, insecurities, anxieties and fears, anger and offenses to name a few. And when I view my thoughts in light of our weeping cherry tree, they are but dead branches I’m trying to keep alive. It’s definitely sickening when revealed in this manner.

It’s not like I, or any other person for that matter, want to think of holding onto something dead or putting all energy into unhealthy thoughts. But it’s no wonder it’s a struggle to try to keep my good thoughts alive and well.

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.

Proverbs 17:22 (NLT)

“Heart” and “inner spirit” here also means spirit or soul (otherwise known as mind, will, and emotions). This isn’t an invitation for both unhealthy and healthy thoughts to dwell. Consider it one or the other. If not careful to remove the unhealthy thoughts from the depths of my soul, then a slow fade of death can choke out all other healthy thoughts. For death (sin) and life cannot coexist.

We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him. We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus.

Romans 6:6-11 (NLT)

With this in mind, it is no wonder warning is presented to cut off dead branches immediately. I, myself, no longer want to waste anymore energy on these dead thoughts. The thoughts that are originated by the enemy to steal, kill and destroy. I want every ounce of energy, Christ has already gifted to me, to be poured into healthy thoughts and an overall healthy being. After all, I’m already promised that Jesus’ purpose is to give a rich and satisfying life in Him (John 10:10).

So this poses the question, “How can I overcome those damaging, dead thoughts?”. By simply yielding to the Lord. Once those thoughts creep in, I am encouraged to “take captive every rebellious thought and teach them to obey Christ Jesus” (2 Corinthians 2:10:5). And in surrendering every single thing to Him, I can trust that He will prune away that which doesn’t bring me life.

I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. ..Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

John 15:1-2, 4 (NLT)

New healthy leaves (thoughts and livelihood) are sure to bud the more I yield to Him. Rather than have my life appear to be a bigger more fuller tree with dead branches in it, I would much rather allow my life to be pruned and allow my energy to be spent on new growth.

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God- truly righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4:21-24 (NLT)

A Word for the Year: Reflection and Resolution

2019. The first time I jumped on the Word for the Year bandwagon. In December 2018, I felt such a passionate fire in my heart to declare arise as my word for 2019. And more specifically to shift my purpose to Wake up! (Romans 13:11) and Go! (Mark 16:15).

I was so focused on fulfilling calling and purpose for God’s kingdom that I took this to heart. I thought I would spend 2019 writing a book entitled ‘Arise: Wake Up and Go’.

Unfortunately, like many times in my life, I start projects with such zeal. I continue with determination when the going gets tough. Then, once I’ve had enough of certain pressures I, most often, don’t finish my purposed tasks. Much like this book’s manuscript.

What I originally intended with this book became snuffed out by doubts. It tripped me up by wondering if I really understood my calling and purpose with clarity. I became too sidetracked by distractions. I felt a heaviness of daily frustrations and quickly became overwhelmed.

I felt like a failure with my literal interpretation of my Word for the Year. It had seemed as though the word was lost on me. However, I had previously purposed within my heart to accomplish something in full- from start to finish. I internalized my new year’s resolution to read through the Bible in a year. Midway through the year, I almost gave up as I dwelt upon my heart motives. I knew my heart was in the wrong place as I attempted to complete this personal challenge to prove something to myself. Although I persevered, I felt disappointed in myself and nearly depressed.

Until today. I reflected upon this year’s journey with gratitude in my heart. And I found that God did, in fact, show up BIG in my life this year. He’s merciful. He’s gracious. He’s faithful. He’s loving. And He’s oh, so good. 

1) In determining to write my book, I was led to forgive two crucial persons that have impacted my life. I particularly held onto [over two decades each] of hurt and grudges from our relationships together. It cascaded into uncovering several years of suppressed pains, from and against, other certain peoples. Those of which I didn’t know we’re hidden in my heart. More forgiveness flowed.

Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness.  -Luke 11:35 (NLT)

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. -Matthew 6:14‭-‬15 (NLT)

2) As a consequence of forgiving, my heart began it’s transformation to healed. God’s light shone upon areas of my heart that needed further repentance (perfectionism, control, striving). I found freedom from pursuing worldly affirmations and approval. And I learned to become better acquainted with God’s heart.

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah.
Acts of the Apostles 3:19‭-‬20 (NLT)

3) In dedicating myself to reading the Word, I saw how God grew me with deeper revelations than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. He demolished lies I often believed, such as common “worldly wisdoms”. He transformed thoughts of Who I believed Him to be. I once thought He was out to punish me for every wrong choice I made (which is A LOT). But instead of punishing me for my wrong heart motives in reading the Word, He proved Himself faithful with the gifts of growth, help with perseverance, and deeper understanding of Truth.

But the Lord Yahweh is always faithful to place you on a firm foundation and guard you from the Evil One. Now may the Lord move your hearts into a greater understanding of God’s pure love for you and into Christ’s steadfast endurance.
2 Thessalonians 3:3‭, ‬5 (TPT)

I’m so grateful for this year. God truly beckoned me to arise. To Wake up! from a religious slumber. Of going through the motions of life while proclaiming to be a Christian, but harboring grudges and unforgiveness in my heart. He asked me to Go! and do the hard things that were needed to be done for deeper revelations and transformations.

Because isn’t that what any of us are called and purposed to do? To love Him with our lives, showing utmost obedience to Him, in order to bring glory to His name. He has been, and will continue to be, faithful to point all my failures and frustrations back to Him, His goodness, and what He has done.

I look forward to what I feel deep in my heart is for 2020. After prayerfully considering a word for the year, my heart is wide open and ready for renewal. And of course, to shout and proclaim glory to His name along the way!

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“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”- Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)

Gifts through Loss and Life

Last July, my family and I experienced great adversity. Creating confusion, doubts and suffering we learned of a pregnancy that had failed. In fact, I had just taken a test at home when some weeks later we were faced with our loss. I could never undermine the heartache, regardless of how premature it happened.

All in all, my heart was troubled with fear. I wanted this child so desperately. I was terrified. I was hurting. And I felt alone- even though I was not the only one suffering.

Deprived of options, we were faced to choose between a medication or surgery to further help my body deliver our child. With some support of family and friends, I opted for the surgery. Honestly, I don’t feel my mind was able to make such a rational or significant decision either way.

The day before I was scheduled for the procedure, I experienced severe physical pain. My medical provider urged me to have an ultrasound straightaway. Per protocol, I was asked to empty my bladder before the ultrasound began. And, it was there in that bathroom where I delivered our baby. Without medication, without surgery.

I will never forget what I mentally experienced and physically witnessed there. Strangely enough, once I returned for the preparation of the ultrasound I was overwhelmingly at peace. I laid there, alone, with only the technician. However, I did not feel alone as I sensed the almost tangible presence of my heavenly Father.

Reflecting upon those days of confusion, doubts and suffering, I recall willingly surrendering my personal desires to the Lord’s care. I placed the life and potential loss of this child in His hands. I cried out;

I do not understand why I’m experiencing this, and, yes, I think it’s unfair. I do not know what the future holds, but I trust in You, God. Although it is my heart’s desire to keep this child, I trust in what You can see that I do not. I leave this child in Your hands.

Then, exactly four months to the day of our loss, my husband and I learned we were pregnant again! I could never forget the day- as it was my husband’s birthday. We were overjoyed! But, every day, uncertainties crept in our minds. I learned that I could either dwell upon the uncertain, or I could delve into God’s promises that produce confidence.

So, as a person who tries to control everything, I was challenged to yield that control. I had some minor physical setbacks that I was unable to make better. It pushed me to trust in God all the more. And as a result, He made everything better for me. Facing the uncertain, I was encouraged all the more to uphold my faith in Him.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.- Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Yes, I hoped for a full-term pregnancy. My flesh was uncertain what would and could happen. However, my spirit man grew in confidence about who God is. That He is, indeed, faithful to His word.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.- Romans 8:28 NLT

This July, exactly one year to the day of our loss, I delivered our new, precious baby girl! It was truly a bittersweet moment. I can barely begin to describe the array of emotions I felt that day. I genuinely feel that not one person could write a more beautiful story of loss and life, than the story we’ve lived with God as the center of it all.

Within this past month, I’ve been blessed to acknowledge the gifts that have come through our loss. Through our confusion, doubts and suffering I’ve been able to help others cope through their heartaches. I’ve been personally strengthened in faith towards my heavenly Father. And I’ve been graced with the gift of new life.

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“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”- Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT

Exposed

One of society’s toughest problems is that everything is made a competition. The delusion of perfection that we must be the most fit, to have the biggest house, to have the cookie-cutter family, or to buy into the latest trend.

This isn’t a new concept. It’s not a new struggle. Generation after generation, people deal with these same root problems. It’s just on a grander scale. We now have social media to put our life out there for the world to see.

Surely no one must be able to understand the shame that you feel. Especially when stuffing your face with potato chips, breads, or other tasty carbs. It just seems that everyone else is working out, eating healthy, and posting their amazing progress.

Oh wait, that’s me. Secretly stuffing my face while posting workout progress pictures. Also wondering if I’ll ever be that size or shape again.

Surely no one must be able to understand the ridicule that you feel. Especially when you have to explain that you don’t have enough finances. Whether to buy another product from someone’s party invite. Whether having the ability to lavish your child with the best toys and clothes. Whether turning a friend down from a dinner invite.

Oh wait, that’s me.. from a single-income family trying to make the best of our financial situation. While falling into the trap of the latest trend for clothes, books, jewelry, makeup, fitness resources, etc.

Surely no one must be able to understand the hurt that’s scarred from abuse that you’ve felt. Especially when you put a smile on your face for the world to see. ‘I’m fine.’, ‘Everything is well.’ Or is it?

Oh wait, that’s me.. I truly have been there. That’s another whole story. And while most days are well, there are those occasional days of distress.

Surely no one must be able to understand the doubt that you feel. Especially when you make a decision that goes against the majority of society. Whether in terms of parenting, political issues, speaking out about God, or some other hot topic.

Oh wait, that’s me. I have made choices for my child that even my spouse, parents, friends, and/or society disagrees with.

You see friends, you’re not alone. Many of us suffer from these feelings. In fact, Jesus who is made perfect by way of God (Hebrews 5:8-9) also suffered from these very struggles. After all, He took on human form (Philippians 2:7) and flesh without God’s strength is weak (Matthew 26:41).

Jesus felt shame. The night that He was betrayed and arrested, He was brought before the high council. He was charged for making claims that He was the Son of God, the Messiah. Jesus did not deny the claim. As a result, the crowd jeered, spit on Him, and beat Him with their fists.- Matthew 26:47-67 (NLT)

Jesus felt ridicule. Before the Crucifixion, Jesus was mocked by the governor’s soldiers. They taunted Him for professing to be the King of Jews. They made a crown out of thorns and forced it into His head. They took off His clothes and covered Him in a scarlet robe. They gave Him a reed stick to resemble a scepter.- Matthew 27:27-31 (NLT)

Jesus felt abused. Not only was He beaten, He carried the weight of His own cross. Upon arriving to Golgotha, the soldiers drove stakes into Jesus’ hands and feet to nail Him to His cross. He also experienced verbal abuse as they spoke blasphemy toward Him.- Matthew 27:32-44 (NLT)

Jesus felt doubt. He was on the cross at noon when darkness overcame the land. After a grueling 3 hours, Jesus cried aloud to God. He asked His Father, “Why have you abandoned me?” before breathing His last breath.- Matthew 27:45-55 (NLT)

You see, my dear friends, Jesus was exposed for us. He became broken. His body was poured out. He bore all those things that we’ve suffered- to the highest extreme.

We should be mindful of, but not manipulated by, our feelings. We must not fall into the delusion of perfection. Furthermore, we shouldn’t let a tough problem or harmful experience determine our self worth.

I’m not asking you to expose your secrets with me or to the world. Just with Jesus- being broken, poured out, and thanking Him for baring it all. You will find that he understands. He will show you the way to be made perfect by way of Him.

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“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.”- Hebrews 10:14 (ESV)