A Growth Process: Transforming with Knowledge and Understanding

I feel as if I am reliving the same day over and over again. Within that concept lies another underlying problem. I’m also repeating the same things over and over again. “What did I just say?”, “Are you even listening to me?”, “How many times do I have to tell you?” are just a few of those sayings on repeat to two toddlers.

Not only am I reliving this moment by moment, day by day, but I am reliving the frustration and impatience with it all. I figure, they know these things. I’ve modeled these things to them. Yet they still don’t do it! Other words, why can’t they just match what I do and be like me?!

Simply put, that’s an expectation that’s unachievable. The reality is that they’re toddlers. They have a short attention span. They have not yet acquired maturity. They may have knowledge of something, but they have not received the ability to carry out that knowledge. Because the growth process entails taking time. I train, guide, and correct them until they are transformed in such a way that mirrors the potential for who and what they can be. And it’ll be a continual process.

This requires more than just knowing something in their mind. They have to understand it with their heart. Take my son for example. He is completely obsessed with construction vehicles, tractors, emergency vehicles, etc. He both knows and understands about them because he loves them so much! On the flip side, he knows about his sister’s kitty obsession, but he doesn’t understand it because it’s not something he thoroughly enjoys.

I realized the implication this had on my walk with Christ. I was striving so hard to match what I knew about Jesus. I was so hard on myself every single time I failed. On my own I could not think, say, do, and behave in such a way that mirrored Jesus. So I loathed in my condemning thoughts. “I’m just never going to be or do enough!”

Simply put, that’s an expectation that’s unachievable. I’m not meant to match Jesus, to think, say, do, and behave all in my own efforts. Only, I live through Him. I love how The Passion Translation says it like this:

“The light of God’s love shined within us when he sent his matchless Son into the world so that we might live through him“.- 1 John 4:9

I was, then, reminded of the account of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with His disciples (Matthew 14:13-21). At this point, the disciples knew Jesus could perform miracles. Jesus had modeled miracles before their very eyes. Then, in the very next chapter, (Matthew 15:32-39) Jesus calls His disciples to feed a different 4,000. Their response? “Where would we get enough food here in the wilderness for such a huge crowd?” [-Seriously!] Sounds familiar, right?

The reality is, just like those disciples, I have not fully figured it all out. I still have to attend to Jesus. I still have maturity to acquire in Him. And while I may have knowledge of Him, I have to allow Him to help me carry out that knowledge. It’s done by gaining that understanding through deep revelation within my heart that only He can provide.

“These people honor me only with their words, for their hearts are so very distant from me. They pretend to worship me, but their worship is nothing more than the empty traditions of men.” Then Jesus turned to the crowd and said, “Come, listen and open your heart to understand.”– Matthew 15:8-10 (TPT) [emphasis mine]

And it’s a growth process (aka: sanctification). He trains, guides, and corrects me as I surrender to Him and His word. Moment by moment, day by day…

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.- 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NKJV)

…until I’m transformed in such a way that mirrors the potential for who and what I can be in Him.

But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.- 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (NLT)

No longer do I have to feel frustrated and impatient when my children don’t follow through with my instruction or perform to meet my expectations. Nor do I have to feel frustrated and impatient with myself when I don’t follow “having a mind like Christ” or performing like “Christ lives in me”. That type of thinking leads to striving and results in condemning thoughts. Right now, I surrender all those expectations.

I thoroughly enjoy the word of God and love Him- just as my son loves his machines! Which means I have the ability to both know and understand who Jesus is in me. I can trust His sanctifying work that is declared in Galatians 2:20, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

To my children, to myself, and to anyone who can relate to my circumstances: “Come, listen and open your heart to understand”.

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The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for, “Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.- 1 Corinthians 2:15-16 (NIV).

A Word for the Year: Reflection and Resolution

2019. The first time I jumped on the Word for the Year bandwagon. In December 2018, I felt such a passionate fire in my heart to declare arise as my word for 2019. And more specifically to shift my purpose to Wake up! (Romans 13:11) and Go! (Mark 16:15).

I was so focused on fulfilling calling and purpose for God’s kingdom that I took this to heart. I thought I would spend 2019 writing a book entitled ‘Arise: Wake Up and Go’.

Unfortunately, like many times in my life, I start projects with such zeal. I continue with determination when the going gets tough. Then, once I’ve had enough of certain pressures I, most often, don’t finish my purposed tasks. Much like this book’s manuscript.

What I originally intended with this book became snuffed out by doubts. It tripped me up by wondering if I really understood my calling and purpose with clarity. I became too sidetracked by distractions. I felt a heaviness of daily frustrations and quickly became overwhelmed.

I felt like a failure with my literal interpretation of my Word for the Year. It had seemed as though the word was lost on me. However, I had previously purposed within my heart to accomplish something in full- from start to finish. I internalized my new year’s resolution to read through the Bible in a year. Midway through the year, I almost gave up as I dwelt upon my heart motives. I knew my heart was in the wrong place as I attempted to complete this personal challenge to prove something to myself. Although I persevered, I felt disappointed in myself and nearly depressed.

Until today. I reflected upon this year’s journey with gratitude in my heart. And I found that God did, in fact, show up BIG in my life this year. He’s merciful. He’s gracious. He’s faithful. He’s loving. And He’s oh, so good. 

1) In determining to write my book, I was led to forgive two crucial persons that have impacted my life. I particularly held onto [over two decades each] of hurt and grudges from our relationships together. It cascaded into uncovering several years of suppressed pains, from and against, other certain peoples. Those of which I didn’t know we’re hidden in my heart. More forgiveness flowed.

Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness.  -Luke 11:35 (NLT)

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. -Matthew 6:14‭-‬15 (NLT)

2) As a consequence of forgiving, my heart began it’s transformation to healed. God’s light shone upon areas of my heart that needed further repentance (perfectionism, control, striving). I found freedom from pursuing worldly affirmations and approval. And I learned to become better acquainted with God’s heart.

Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah.
Acts of the Apostles 3:19‭-‬20 (NLT)

3) In dedicating myself to reading the Word, I saw how God grew me with deeper revelations than I have ever experienced in my lifetime. He demolished lies I often believed, such as common “worldly wisdoms”. He transformed thoughts of Who I believed Him to be. I once thought He was out to punish me for every wrong choice I made (which is A LOT). But instead of punishing me for my wrong heart motives in reading the Word, He proved Himself faithful with the gifts of growth, help with perseverance, and deeper understanding of Truth.

But the Lord Yahweh is always faithful to place you on a firm foundation and guard you from the Evil One. Now may the Lord move your hearts into a greater understanding of God’s pure love for you and into Christ’s steadfast endurance.
2 Thessalonians 3:3‭, ‬5 (TPT)

I’m so grateful for this year. God truly beckoned me to arise. To Wake up! from a religious slumber. Of going through the motions of life while proclaiming to be a Christian, but harboring grudges and unforgiveness in my heart. He asked me to Go! and do the hard things that were needed to be done for deeper revelations and transformations.

Because isn’t that what any of us are called and purposed to do? To love Him with our lives, showing utmost obedience to Him, in order to bring glory to His name. He has been, and will continue to be, faithful to point all my failures and frustrations back to Him, His goodness, and what He has done.

I look forward to what I feel deep in my heart is for 2020. After prayerfully considering a word for the year, my heart is wide open and ready for renewal. And of course, to shout and proclaim glory to His name along the way!

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“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”- Isaiah 43:19 (ESV)

Pointing Fingers

Why is it that the people I’m closest with are the ones I hurt the most? I seem to have this tendency of becoming frustrated very easily. I’ll point fingers at so-and-so. I’ll accuse, I’ll blame, I’ll criticize.

Out of frustration, I can become angry, bitter, and even speak ill about those whom I love. I can’t say that I’m proud of this. It’s just that in the heat of the moment I simply lose control of my emotions.

Then recently, an old saying began to replay over and over in my mind. “When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you.” Just maybe, okay truthfully, those accusations, blames, and criticisms are somewhere hidden in me.

I can’t help but wonder why I put myself up on that pedestal. The one that proclaims I’m so much better than they. When, realistically, my behaviors- as a result of frustration- only proves I’m no more righteous than they.

I had a very recent encounter with a week-long battle of anger, bitterness, and slandering the ones that I dearly love. This type of behavior only yielded the same reactions from my loved ones. I had to do something to change this. And fast.

I prayed. I humbled myself. And my answer was one of those extreme encounters with God that lead me to a greater revelation. His revelation. Humility picked me up off my pedestal and knocked me to my knees.

That old saying that kept repeating in my mind was not a new concept to God. In fact He’s the original author of it:

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.”- Matthew 7:1-2 (NLT)

Its true. When I accuse, blame, and criticize, the same will be returned to me. I quickly recognized my wrongs as sin. I confessed to God and asked for forgiveness. But I knew this was more than just an “okay, you’re good to go!” This was a real matter of a heart change that needed to take place.

The only hope for that change was surrounding myself in truth. The word of God. It’s the blueprint for all of life’s circumstances. And my change of heart was found in Ephesians 4:29-32, 5:1-2 ::

• I must quit speaking ill will and only use words that edify those around me. Not just the ones I love the most, but even my enemies (Matthew 5:43-48) too! “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
• I must stop living a life that points fingers at others. This not only offends them, but God as well. Upon doing so, I am guaranteed grace to overcome- by the same God who gives me His grace and salvation. “And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.”
• I must not dwell upon those frustrations that ultimately lead me to accuse, blame, and criticize. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.”
• I must confess and ask for forgiveness from my sins. The same blessings I receive from Jesus after I’ve done wrong is to be projected from me unto others. “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

This revelation reminded me that God so loves everyone in this world, not just me. And, yes, I am esteemed, favorited, and beloved- but so are they. We are all His sons and daughters. I must “Imitate God, therefore, in everything [I] do, because [I am one of] his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.” 

Simply put, I must walk in the way of love. 

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“And so, dear friends, ..make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight.”- 2 Peter 3:14 (NLT)