My Identity: Learning What’s Left of Me

In the writing world, publishers seek a bio written by the author, for the author. As I have ventured to get some work published on the web, I learned about this seemingly small requirement and realized how enormous it would actually be. ‘What is it about myself that the reader would like to know?’ ‘Just who am I anyway?’

I mean, that sounds silly, right? But I realized that I’ve grossly placed my identity in others or in my successes. Let me explain. I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a fur-mama. I am a speech-language pathologist. I am a stay-at-home parent. I am a volunteer group leader for the MOPS program.

The list seems legitimately good to share. I guess people want to know these things that make me credible to their wondering mind. But I still felt rather invisible. Without these people or things, what’s left of me?

I look to the Bible and find there’s no shortage of names to describe who Jesus is. “And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6 NLT). “Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life.” (John 11:25). “Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life.” (John 6:35). “Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6). “Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”
(Matthew 1:23).

What’s more, though, is two descriptions which left me perplexed. The first was first spoken of Jesus by John the Baptist, “Look! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29). And the next by Jesus Himself, “I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me,” (John 10:14). As I pondered these two extremities, I kept inquiring, “How could it be that Jesus is both the Sheep and the Shepherd?”.

After some time had passed by, it soon became a realization by way of the Holy Spirit, just what this meant for Jesus’ character. The Lamb of God is, Jesus, the Son of Man. The Good Shepherd is, Jesus, the Son of God.

When Jesus came to earth, He was both fully God and fully man. Why? Because He was the perfect, and only, Person who could fulfill the payment for my sins, your sins, and the sins of all mankind, for all of time. He came as a person to identify with us people. However, He has always been the Son of God who leads and guides His people in Spirit and in truth.

We are promised that anyone who belongs to the Lord is described as sheep. “Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” (Psalms 100:3). And when Jesus was sentenced to death on the cross, as Son of Man, he identified with us as such- “All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth.” (Isaiah 53:6‭-‬7). And with that, a deeper level of intimate love for my Savior takes place. He truly does know and understand how to identify with me and anything I’ve ever been through. Which is why it is so important that I know and understand why I must identify with Him.

Likewise, since He is fully God He is also named Shepherd. “The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.” (Psalms 23:1‭-‬3). And since we are made image bearers of Jesus Christ while living here on this earth (2 Corinthians 3:18), we have the amazing privilege of shepherding others to Him!

In John 21, we witness Jesus appearing to some of the disciples since He had risen from the dead, and before He had ascended into heaven. We read, “After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these? ” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.” (John 21:15‭-‬17). And out of this same love for our Savior, we are asked to feed and take care of His sheep. This is done by sharing the word of God (the Bible), which is food for the soul, and by loving God’s people as we love Him (1 John 4:7).

As God is so good to develop who I am in Him, I no longer need to wonder. To Him, I’m both a sheep and a shepherd-amongst many other identifying characteristics. I may feel invisible in a physical sense, but spiritually speaking I am very much seen. And while it’s okay to share my quick blurb of who I am in light of other people or things (Wife, Mommy, Therapist, Leader), what’s more is sharing who I am in light of the Lord. He is mine. And I am His. (Song of Solomon 2:16). Which is the greatest part of what’s left of me.

Casting Oneself in Love and Casting Out Fears

The winter blues has me missing warmer weather and the outdoor activities that accompany it. One of my favorite summer pastimes is a family fishing day. Our family of four would regularly pack up to spend a few hours at our local reservoir.

My husband and son would identity their best spot and set up their fishing rods. My daughter and I would locate the nearest bench and watch from uphill. Both enjoying the scenery and supporting their efforts from slightly afar.

My husband spent countless times showing our son how to cast the fishing line. At times, he modeled it using his own pole. Other times, he cast our sons line for him. And the rest of the times, our independent toddler opted to cast the line himself. Often, getting it caught in the weeds on the bank.

I can’t say that much fishing was truly had. As a spectator, it both tickled and frustrated me to witness. I often wanted to take the matter into my own hands. But I now understand that the learning experience for our son was a integral part of becoming skillful for later on in life.

I see how I relate to my toddler in a spiritual sense. I want to be so independent and say, “I’ve seen this done before, I can handle this.” Then, I cast all my efforts into my circumstances. And most often, it results in me getting tangled up in life’s weeds. Any spectator would be both tickled or frustrated to watch my efforts.

Nearly every time this entanglement happens, I become all too fearful. Look at the mess I’ve made. Can you help me out, Lord? Where are you? And yet He’s right there with me. Just as my husband is close by our son’s side. Waiting patiently and ready to help.

The Holy Spirit reminds me; look at the model of Jesus and how He cast Himself in love to others- in life and in death. He is the greatest example and points us back to our perfect Father. 

[Jesus speaking] I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. (John 13:15 NLT) Since you are children of a perfect Father in heaven, you are to be perfect like him.” (Matthew 5:48 TPT)

And how can one be perfected like our heavenly Father? By becoming the image of Him, which is love.

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. (1 John 4:9-10, 16‭-‬17 NLT)

The Holy Spirit also reminds me what to do when I’ve gotten myself tangled up in fears; give it all over to the holy One. He is love. He is perfect. And He will cast your fearful circumstances far away from you. 

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.. (1 John 4:17‭-‬18 NKJV)

The combination of following Jesus’ modeled example, God’s perfect love, and casting away our fears can be interwoven in the following guideline: It is written. 

By casting my self in His love, I am to take His word and put it into practice. Whether in speech, in actions, in behaviors. Whether I think I have it all figured out, or I don’t. Whether I make the cast and get tangled up in life’s circumstances. I can trust that each experience is an integral part of becoming skillful for later in this life. But only because my heavenly Father is always and forever present. And His helpfulness to my efforts points to His goodness, greatness, and glory. 

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God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world.” The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.- Psalms 46:1‭-‬3‭, ‬10‭-‬11 NLT

Saying “Yes!” to Right Now

“Not right now.” I’m guilty of repetitiously quoting this phrase to my children.

Just the other day, my daughter was chasing my heels and trying to hand me a book. The same book I had already read twice before 7:30 AM. And just one of the dozens of others I knew she would hand to me thereafter. I hurriedly muttered, “Not right now, Sissy”.

Except this time, I heard an internal voice chime back at me, “If not now, then when?”. I stopped in my tracks and whispered back, “Yes, You’re totally right!”.

I decided to cease what I was doing in order to read her that book. Because I knew if I didn’t, I’d fall into my cycle of, “Mommy just needs to finish ______, and then I’ll read it to you”. And then task one morphs into task two. Task two magnifies task three. Task three trails onward to task four. And before I know it, half the day is gone and I still haven’t read that one book.

This revelation dawned on me that I don’t just fall into this cycle with my children. But I have been guilty of doing this with Almighty God. I offer up a quick “Thank You, Lord, for this day”. I check off a couple devotions. And then I move hastily to those stacked up tasks.

Though non-verbal to my daily tasks, it’s as if my actions have muttered to God’s bid for me to “Come!” with a harsh “Not right now!”. And His still, small voice acknowledges my disregard by saying, “If not now, then when?”.

Every day is a new opportunity to say to my Creator, “Yes, You’re totally right! Right now is when.”.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.- Lamentations 3:21‭-23, ‬25 ESV

The soul who seeks the Lord is one who joyously responds saying yes to right now. Here are but a few ways to do so:

• Surrender– Before the day begins, maybe even before my feet hit the floor, I can choose to yield my heart and thoughts to the Lord. So then, surrender to God. Stand up to the devil and resist him and he will turn and run away from you. Move your heart closer and closer to God, and he will come even closer to you. … Be willing to be made low before the Lord and he will exalt you!- James 4:7‭-‬8‭, ‬10 TPT
• Worship– This is more than just playing some Christian tunes and singing godly lyrics. It is a glimpse into the posture of my heart. Whatever I place the most emphasis upon is where my heart is postured. Now, with breathtaking wonder, let everyone worship Yahweh, this awe-inspiring Creator. The Lord looks over us from where he rules in heaven. Gazing into every heart … he observes all the peoples of the earth. The Creator of our hearts considers and examines everything we do. The eyes of the Lord are upon even the weakest worshipers who love him— those who wait in hope and expectation for the strong, steady love of God.- Psalms 33:8‭, ‬13‭-‬15‭, ‬18 TPT
• Prayer– I often tend to overcomplicate this one. This doesn’t have to be forcing out perfect words or meeting a specific time quota. It’s simply longing to have conversation with the Lover of my soul. … But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words. God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet he also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit passionately pleads before God for us, his holy ones, in perfect harmony with God’s plan and our destiny.- Romans 8:26‭-‬27 TPT
  
• Gratitude– I often remember to thank God for the physical blessings I have- life, my family, a home, a car, food, clothing, etc. But, I, too, should thankfully acknowledge every spiritual blessing that’s promised to me as God’s beloved child. Let every activity of your lives and every word that comes from your lips be drenched with the beauty of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. And bring your constant praise to God the Father because of what Christ has done for you!- Colossians 3:17 TPT
  

Before the tasks begin. In between the tasks. After the tasks are complete. -It’s not about ignoring life’s demands. But it’s also not about ignoring God’s call to “Come!”. I have found there are so many reasons and opportunities to obediently transform my heart’s response from “Not right now!” to “Yes! Right now!”.

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“Jesus said to them, “I am the Bread of Life. Come every day to me and you will never be hungry. Believe in me and you will never be thirsty. But everyone my Father has given to me, they will come. And all who come to me, I will embrace and will never turn them away.”- John 6:35, 37 TPT (bold emphasis mine)

Steep in God’s Word: How to Get the Most Out of Scripture

The chill of fall weather draws me to the comforts of a warm cup of tea with honey. Recently, I grabbed my box of tea and set out to make my cup. While waiting, I opted to read the directions on the back of my tea packet.

It read: “Get the most out of every cup“.

• “Bring water to boiling and steep 7 minutes.”
• “For stronger tea, use 2 tea bags.”
• “Drink 3-6 cups daily.”
• “To warm up or soothe the throat, such as for singing or public speaking, sip as needed throughout the day.”

As I have been seeking to move closer to the Lord relationally, I felt such delight when reading these directions. I discovered that by steeping in God’s word, I can get the most out of every scripture.

Boiling means “to an extreme degree”. Steeping is defined as “to cover with or plunge into a liquid (as in bathing, rinsing, or soaking)”.

In order for me to get the most out of every scripture, the first step is this: Extremely regarding God and His word as the means in which I should live and walk in love. Taking the plunge to open up His word. Soaking in His word. Covering myself with His word. Just like the longer tea “steeps” it tastes better, so it is the longer I steep in the word of God!

Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”- John 8:31-32 (NKJV)

This second application is one that I have personally found to be helpful in really hearing God’s voice through His word. Having stronger tea suggests using two tea bags. Having stronger knowledge of the word suggests using two (or more) translations.

I grew up reading God’s word through a King James Version (KJV) Bible. Unless someone is truly familiar with that language (which I wasn’t) it is very hard to understand what is being spoken. As I aged, I sought out different translations. My favorite FREE resource to provide access to all translations is by using the YouVersion Bible App.

There can be controversy about this topic, as with anything really. But when my heart posture is to seek God through His word, I trust that He will lead, deepen my understanding, and grow me in His truths. As Jesus prayed in the gospel of John;

I have given them your word. ..Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. ..I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.- John 17:14, 17, 19 (NLT)

Step three of getting the most out of every scripture is this: Read God’s word all throughout the day. Not just once a blue moon. Not just ‘liking’ that inspirational verse that someone else shared. No, I’m talking about immersing myself in God’s word, receiving His spiritual nourishment, every chance I can get.

I have my physical bibles in a couple rooms of my home. These are used during my “child-free” times. (Mind you, I have a 15-month old that just wants to rip it’s pages!). I regularly use my Bible App. The benefit of this is there are certain translations in which I can audio-play, this particularly blesses my children. It also provides ways for me to complete practical devotions which have scriptural references. Additionally, I read faith-based books or complete bible study books which are infused with scripture. There are endless opportunities if I commit myself- like one who drinks 3-6 cups of tea daily.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes!- Psalm 119:9-12 (ESV)

This last application warms my heart and soothes my soul. God’s very scripture is beneficial for multiple reasons. To teach and correct, provide guidance, offer hope using promises, give greater depth of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. I learn Who God is and who He says I am. I discover how to share this Good News with others. I identify how to truly love.

Scripture can be used to sing songs. It can be used as prayers when I’m not otherwise sure how to pray. It can shift my perspective by reminding me how blessed I am and how I can thank God for what I have (or not yet have). One thing I have found, it is needed throughout my day.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.- Colossians 3:16 (NKJV)

If it’s not evident by now, I must declare my affections. I love God and His word, just as I love a warm cup of tea (with honey) on a cool fall day. How have you, or can you, get the most out of steeping in God’s word?

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How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.- Psalm 119:103-105 (ESV)

I’ve Got a Golden Ticket: A Pass to the Kingdom

While getting myself and the kids ready for church this morning, I opted for a movie to play in the background. My three-year old son has become particularly bored with the same favorite movie. So, today I chose a childhood classic, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. (Yes, the original!) I thought, “He’s obsessed with candy, he should surely like this one!”.

I moved about the house in a shuffle to shower, gather nice clothes (and extra nice clothes), snacks, activities, breakfast, etc. I’m sure most caregivers of little ones can relate. Now I’ll be honest, I never paid much attention to certain scenes of this movie. In my shuffling about, a particular song stopped me in my tracks which caused me to realize how much I had missed. 

Charlie’s grandpa Joe is bed-bound for most of the opening movie. Until he comes to the realization that Charlie found the last of the “golden tickets”. He exclaims, “Look at me!-Hopping about- I haven’t done this in twenty years!” With an eyebrow raised I thought to myself, “How absurd!” Then, Grandpa Joe, proceeds to sing, I’ve Got a Golden Ticket, with joyful glee and moving his body about in ways he apparently hadn’t done in twenty years.

Most assuredly, I’ve complained the past couple weeks how I’ve felt like my mind has been in a fog. I have felt extremely exhausted round the clock. It didn’t matter how much or little sleep I had. I even changed my diet for the better, due to other unforseen circumstances. And yet, day in and day out my mind has been in overdrive while the rest of me tries to catch up.

Until this morning. Until Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Until “Grandpa Joe”. Until the Holy Spirit. Until I heard the same familiar whisper again repeating, “strongholds”.  Then, my mind was no longer in a fog. And the message was crystal clear.

In an effort to do, to perform, to strive to exist in any given day, I’ve created my own strongholds. I’ve built up my own fortified walls in order to protect my own heart and my own mind from being attacked. Except, there is only so much that I can do as mere human being. I’m not meant to take upon myself, by myself, such critical responsibility.

In creating strongholds, I’ve neglected one crucial component. I’ve left God on the other side of those fortified walls. I now understood “Grandpa Joe”. I realized I had become bed-bound; falling into the same patterns as I have for the past twenty-or-so years of my life. I have my “good days”, and essentially I turn away God by saying, “No thanks, I can do this in my own strength.” How absurd! Because I can promise I have zero strength or defense without the Lord God Himself.

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.- Psalms 73:26 NKJV, (emphasis mine)

I’ve allowed myself to be a victim. I’ve listened to the lies of the enemy saying, “you’ve got this” when in reality I don’t. So there I lay bed-bound, in my own fortress, with my mind in a fog.

Here’s the thing. All I have needed to do is to throw back those covers and “hop” out of bed. Then, ask the Holy Spirit to “come over here and help me”- “be my defense”.

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.- 2 Corinthians 10:3‭-‬5 NLT, (emphasis mine)

I should be singing with joyful glee and moving about spiritually, mentally, and physically in ways I never have before.

Sing to the Lord! Praise the Lord! For though I was poor and needy, he rescued me from my oppressors.- Jeremiah 20:13 NLT

I’ve got a golden ticket. His name is Jesus. He’s given me an all-access pass to royal treatment as a child in God’s kingdom. And I am the final winner. Not without Jesus. But because of Jesus.

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Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.- Ephesians 1:11, 2:6, 8-9 NLT, (emphasis mine)