Fresh Fruit: Seeking Jesus for His Goodness

Fresh fruit is a staple in my household. My son especially loves it! But, one thing this Mama has a hard time with is how quickly fruit rots. I buy so many varieties that by the time we have tried a bit of all, we find rotting has begun with the remainder.

Take a carton of strawberries, for example. Once one has molded, the strawberries that surround it begin to mold as well. Interestingly enough, the opposite side of the strawberry that is touching the non-moldy ones still appears in good condition.

However, it is said that once the mold has begun they are no longer safe to eat and must be thrown out. Even if half of it still appears good, the whole is not considered good to eat.

I pondered the implication of this imagery with the condition of my heart. Imagine, if my heart touches the heart of the world that’s full of sin, I, too, reflect that sin nature.

As it is written: “There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one.”- Romans 3:10-12 (NKJV) [emphasis mine]

But, if my heart touches the heart of God, then I’m healthy, full of goodness, and safe.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.- John 15:5 (NLT) [emphasis mine]

On my own I am merely self-righteous or an appearance of good. But given time, one may see the true reflection of a heart that touches a world full of sin is no different.

However, a heart that touches the heart of God produces the fruit of ‘goodness’ by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22). And what does this goodness look like? It’s definition says this: uprightness of heart and life.

Good and upright is the Lord; Therefore He teaches sinners in the way.- Psalms 25:8 (NKJV)

Though, imagine it’s said that, I, too, must be thrown out if my heart has started to decay from touching a world of sin.

If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.- John 15:6 (NKJV)

It’s a stark realization. But living for Christ is a wholehearted commitment. It is daily dying to self and surrendering both heart and life to His righteousness.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.- 1 John 1:9 (NKJV)

Thank God for His mercy and His grace to accept us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!- Romans 5:17 (NIV)

A life found in Christ is certainly like finding and consuming the freshest fruit. May we continually seek Him and touch hearts with His. For in Him is true goodness— uprightness of heart and life!

---

Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.- Matthew 7:17‭-‬20 (NIV)

 

A Growth Process: Transforming with Knowledge and Understanding

I feel as if I am reliving the same day over and over again. Within that concept lies another underlying problem. I’m also repeating the same things over and over again. “What did I just say?”, “Are you even listening to me?”, “How many times do I have to tell you?” are just a few of those sayings on repeat to two toddlers.

Not only am I reliving this moment by moment, day by day, but I am reliving the frustration and impatience with it all. I figure, they know these things. I’ve modeled these things to them. Yet they still don’t do it! Other words, why can’t they just match what I do and be like me?!

Simply put, that’s an expectation that’s unachievable. The reality is that they’re toddlers. They have a short attention span. They have not yet acquired maturity. They may have knowledge of something, but they have not received the ability to carry out that knowledge. Because the growth process entails taking time. I train, guide, and correct them until they are transformed in such a way that mirrors the potential for who and what they can be. And it’ll be a continual process.

This requires more than just knowing something in their mind. They have to understand it with their heart. Take my son for example. He is completely obsessed with construction vehicles, tractors, emergency vehicles, etc. He both knows and understands about them because he loves them so much! On the flip side, he knows about his sister’s kitty obsession, but he doesn’t understand it because it’s not something he thoroughly enjoys.

I realized the implication this had on my walk with Christ. I was striving so hard to match what I knew about Jesus. I was so hard on myself every single time I failed. On my own I could not think, say, do, and behave in such a way that mirrored Jesus. So I loathed in my condemning thoughts. “I’m just never going to be or do enough!”

Simply put, that’s an expectation that’s unachievable. I’m not meant to match Jesus, to think, say, do, and behave all in my own efforts. Only, I live through Him. I love how The Passion Translation says it like this:

“The light of God’s love shined within us when he sent his matchless Son into the world so that we might live through him“.- 1 John 4:9

I was, then, reminded of the account of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with His disciples (Matthew 14:13-21). At this point, the disciples knew Jesus could perform miracles. Jesus had modeled miracles before their very eyes. Then, in the very next chapter, (Matthew 15:32-39) Jesus calls His disciples to feed a different 4,000. Their response? “Where would we get enough food here in the wilderness for such a huge crowd?” [-Seriously!] Sounds familiar, right?

The reality is, just like those disciples, I have not fully figured it all out. I still have to attend to Jesus. I still have maturity to acquire in Him. And while I may have knowledge of Him, I have to allow Him to help me carry out that knowledge. It’s done by gaining that understanding through deep revelation within my heart that only He can provide.

“These people honor me only with their words, for their hearts are so very distant from me. They pretend to worship me, but their worship is nothing more than the empty traditions of men.” Then Jesus turned to the crowd and said, “Come, listen and open your heart to understand.”– Matthew 15:8-10 (TPT) [emphasis mine]

And it’s a growth process (aka: sanctification). He trains, guides, and corrects me as I surrender to Him and His word. Moment by moment, day by day…

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.- 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NKJV)

…until I’m transformed in such a way that mirrors the potential for who and what I can be in Him.

But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.- 2 Corinthians 3:16-18 (NLT)

No longer do I have to feel frustrated and impatient when my children don’t follow through with my instruction or perform to meet my expectations. Nor do I have to feel frustrated and impatient with myself when I don’t follow “having a mind like Christ” or performing like “Christ lives in me”. That type of thinking leads to striving and results in condemning thoughts. Right now, I surrender all those expectations.

I thoroughly enjoy the word of God and love Him- just as my son loves his machines! Which means I have the ability to both know and understand who Jesus is in me. I can trust His sanctifying work that is declared in Galatians 2:20, “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

To my children, to myself, and to anyone who can relate to my circumstances: “Come, listen and open your heart to understand”.

---

The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for, “Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ.- 1 Corinthians 2:15-16 (NIV).

Saying “Yes!” to Right Now

“Not right now.” I’m guilty of repetitiously quoting this phrase to my children.

Just the other day, my daughter was chasing my heels and trying to hand me a book. The same book I had already read twice before 7:30 AM. And just one of the dozens of others I knew she would hand to me thereafter. I hurriedly muttered, “Not right now, Sissy”.

Except this time, I heard an internal voice chime back at me, “If not now, then when?”. I stopped in my tracks and whispered back, “Yes, You’re totally right!”.

I decided to cease what I was doing in order to read her that book. Because I knew if I didn’t, I’d fall into my cycle of, “Mommy just needs to finish ______, and then I’ll read it to you”. And then task one morphs into task two. Task two magnifies task three. Task three trails onward to task four. And before I know it, half the day is gone and I still haven’t read that one book.

This revelation dawned on me that I don’t just fall into this cycle with my children. But I have been guilty of doing this with Almighty God. I offer up a quick “Thank You, Lord, for this day”. I check off a couple devotions. And then I move hastily to those stacked up tasks.

Though non-verbal to my daily tasks, it’s as if my actions have muttered to God’s bid for me to “Come!” with a harsh “Not right now!”. And His still, small voice acknowledges my disregard by saying, “If not now, then when?”.

Every day is a new opportunity to say to my Creator, “Yes, You’re totally right! Right now is when.”.

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.- Lamentations 3:21‭-23, ‬25 ESV

The soul who seeks the Lord is one who joyously responds saying yes to right now. Here are but a few ways to do so:

• Surrender– Before the day begins, maybe even before my feet hit the floor, I can choose to yield my heart and thoughts to the Lord. So then, surrender to God. Stand up to the devil and resist him and he will turn and run away from you. Move your heart closer and closer to God, and he will come even closer to you. … Be willing to be made low before the Lord and he will exalt you!- James 4:7‭-‬8‭, ‬10 TPT
• Worship– This is more than just playing some Christian tunes and singing godly lyrics. It is a glimpse into the posture of my heart. Whatever I place the most emphasis upon is where my heart is postured. Now, with breathtaking wonder, let everyone worship Yahweh, this awe-inspiring Creator. The Lord looks over us from where he rules in heaven. Gazing into every heart … he observes all the peoples of the earth. The Creator of our hearts considers and examines everything we do. The eyes of the Lord are upon even the weakest worshipers who love him— those who wait in hope and expectation for the strong, steady love of God.- Psalms 33:8‭, ‬13‭-‬15‭, ‬18 TPT
• Prayer– I often tend to overcomplicate this one. This doesn’t have to be forcing out perfect words or meeting a specific time quota. It’s simply longing to have conversation with the Lover of my soul. … But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words. God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet he also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit passionately pleads before God for us, his holy ones, in perfect harmony with God’s plan and our destiny.- Romans 8:26‭-‬27 TPT
  
• Gratitude– I often remember to thank God for the physical blessings I have- life, my family, a home, a car, food, clothing, etc. But, I, too, should thankfully acknowledge every spiritual blessing that’s promised to me as God’s beloved child. Let every activity of your lives and every word that comes from your lips be drenched with the beauty of our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One. And bring your constant praise to God the Father because of what Christ has done for you!- Colossians 3:17 TPT
  

Before the tasks begin. In between the tasks. After the tasks are complete. -It’s not about ignoring life’s demands. But it’s also not about ignoring God’s call to “Come!”. I have found there are so many reasons and opportunities to obediently transform my heart’s response from “Not right now!” to “Yes! Right now!”.

---

“Jesus said to them, “I am the Bread of Life. Come every day to me and you will never be hungry. Believe in me and you will never be thirsty. But everyone my Father has given to me, they will come. And all who come to me, I will embrace and will never turn them away.”- John 6:35, 37 TPT (bold emphasis mine)

Gifts through Loss and Life

Last July, my family and I experienced great adversity. Creating confusion, doubts and suffering we learned of a pregnancy that had failed. In fact, I had just taken a test at home when some weeks later we were faced with our loss. I could never undermine the heartache, regardless of how premature it happened.

All in all, my heart was troubled with fear. I wanted this child so desperately. I was terrified. I was hurting. And I felt alone- even though I was not the only one suffering.

Deprived of options, we were faced to choose between a medication or surgery to further help my body deliver our child. With some support of family and friends, I opted for the surgery. Honestly, I don’t feel my mind was able to make such a rational or significant decision either way.

The day before I was scheduled for the procedure, I experienced severe physical pain. My medical provider urged me to have an ultrasound straightaway. Per protocol, I was asked to empty my bladder before the ultrasound began. And, it was there in that bathroom where I delivered our baby. Without medication, without surgery.

I will never forget what I mentally experienced and physically witnessed there. Strangely enough, once I returned for the preparation of the ultrasound I was overwhelmingly at peace. I laid there, alone, with only the technician. However, I did not feel alone as I sensed the almost tangible presence of my heavenly Father.

Reflecting upon those days of confusion, doubts and suffering, I recall willingly surrendering my personal desires to the Lord’s care. I placed the life and potential loss of this child in His hands. I cried out;

I do not understand why I’m experiencing this, and, yes, I think it’s unfair. I do not know what the future holds, but I trust in You, God. Although it is my heart’s desire to keep this child, I trust in what You can see that I do not. I leave this child in Your hands.

Then, exactly four months to the day of our loss, my husband and I learned we were pregnant again! I could never forget the day- as it was my husband’s birthday. We were overjoyed! But, every day, uncertainties crept in our minds. I learned that I could either dwell upon the uncertain, or I could delve into God’s promises that produce confidence.

So, as a person who tries to control everything, I was challenged to yield that control. I had some minor physical setbacks that I was unable to make better. It pushed me to trust in God all the more. And as a result, He made everything better for me. Facing the uncertain, I was encouraged all the more to uphold my faith in Him.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.- Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Yes, I hoped for a full-term pregnancy. My flesh was uncertain what would and could happen. However, my spirit man grew in confidence about who God is. That He is, indeed, faithful to His word.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.- Romans 8:28 NLT

This July, exactly one year to the day of our loss, I delivered our new, precious baby girl! It was truly a bittersweet moment. I can barely begin to describe the array of emotions I felt that day. I genuinely feel that not one person could write a more beautiful story of loss and life, than the story we’ve lived with God as the center of it all.

Within this past month, I’ve been blessed to acknowledge the gifts that have come through our loss. Through our confusion, doubts and suffering I’ve been able to help others cope through their heartaches. I’ve been personally strengthened in faith towards my heavenly Father. And I’ve been graced with the gift of new life.

---

“Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”- Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT

Surrendering My Control

Due to circumstances throughout my childhood, I suffered through years of feeling broken and damaged. Because of this, I was very vulnerable to more pain. I didn’t much care for the feeling of helplessness caused by the magnitude of my external circumstances. So, I decided when I turned 18 years old that no one would be able to control me from that day forward.

Since I grew up bound by tough restrictions, I rarely got to experience many worldly things. Despite this fact, what I had experienced through my pain was all I needed to know. There wouldn’t be one thing that would change my mind in owning control. Not even a conversation with my much older, knowledgeable and wiser self.

So, I began my new chapter of owning control. However, this was only portrayed by my external self. Internally, I was full of pride. I determined that people would either love me or hate me. If they chose the latter, then I would show them the exit door from my life.

Due to this change, I began to build walls around my heart. In an attempt to be less vulnerable, I resolved to let very few people get to know who I really was. In doing so, I allowed my external self to be more vulnerable to a world of dangers- caused by drinking and night stays with strangers. Trying to take control of my external circumstances caused my brokenness and damage to be much worse than before.

At the core of my being I was indeed helpless. The deeper root of these pains were caused by something I had not yet come to realize. The truth: I felt rejected by a dad that just couldn’t fulfill his roll of being a father. That rejection fueled my search for attention in all the wrong places. It created a longing for a false love. It desired for approval from others.

Fast forward in time to nearly a decade later, I began my search to get back to God’s heart. I studied what it truly meant to be set apart from the world and to live for Him. I asked God for deeper knowledge and understanding from His Word, which is THE Truth. Here is what I learned:

• To let go of control and surrender all of my past to the One who created me. Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.- James 4:7 (NIV)
• When I accepted Jesus into my heart and asked to be made anew by the blood of His sacrifice, my old self died! I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.- Galatians 2:20 (NIV)
• I’m not the sum of that younger version of myself. No longer do I have to live under the scrutiny of shame, regret and condemnation. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.- Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)
• I can walk in freedom, because Christ was my ransom, and He paid in full my atonement when He died on the cross. But the Scriptures declare that we are all prisoners of sin, so we receive God’s promise of freedom only by believing in Jesus Christ.- Galatians 3:22 (NLT) 
• God can make good from any painful situation. I now understand that He can create purpose through my past rejection. For Jesus is the one referred to in the Scriptures, where it says,‘The stone that you builders rejected has now become the cornerstone.’- Acts 4:11 (NLT)

This whole process of learning to surrender my control can be summed up in one picture. I imagine myself as clay and God as my Potter. Untouched clay appears to be a heaping mess. If I, the clay, attempt to control my external circumstances, I would still be a heaping mess, and then some! Oh, but to give up control to the hands of my Potter- He is continually regulating those external circumstances. He has shaved off that mess of who I once was and made me a new creation.

In Christ, my new creation is a self that is righteous, blameless, and holy. The only thing that is required for me to control?!.. simply believing in my Creator.

---

“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ … This is what the Lord says— the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: “Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands? I am the one who made the earth and created people to live on it.”- Isaiah 45:9-10, 12 (NLT)